These are my top 5 favorite Dr. Cox quotes, in no particular order.

1. Newbie, if the next two words out of your mouth aren't 'See ya' then the third word will be 'Oh my god. My crotch. You've punched me in my crotch.

2. And you, you neurotic one-woman freakshow, take your blah-blah to the blah-blah-ologist. Because if you are so stupid as to confront the Chief of Medicine over some quasi-offensive endearment, then you've just gotta go ahead and replace the captain of your brainship, because he's drunk at the wheel.

3. I suppose I could riff a list of things that I care as little about as our last week. Let's see... low carb diets, Michael Moore, the Republican National Convention, Kabbalah & all Kabbalah-related products, Hi-Def TV, the Bush daughters, wireless hotspots, the OC, the UN, recycling, getting Punk'd, Danny Gans, the Latin Grammys, the real Grammys, Jeff that Wiggle that sleeps too darn much, the Yankees payroll, all the red states, all the blue states, every hybrid car, every talk show, everything on the planet, everything in the solar system, everything, everything, everything, everything, everything, everything every-everything that exists, past, present, and future, in discovered and undiscovered dimensions! ...Oh, and Hugh Jackman.

4. Good God in Heaven, newbie, there are just so very many ways for me to say this to you. Never, Not in a million years, Absolutely not, No way Jose, No chance Lance, Niet, Negatory, Mmh-mmh, Nah-ah, Uh-uh, and of course my personal favorite of all time, "Man falling off of a cliff." NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooo...

5. You, my friend, you look so damn leathery, I'm honestly tempted to wrap you 'round a baseball, sinch you up with a belt, and stick you under my mattress for the big game on Sunday, but since I'm here to heal, not judge, I'm gonna go ahead and write you a couple of prescriptions. You'll find that this first one is for an extra large mallet to help you pound some sense into yourself, this second one is for a big floppy hat that you are now to wear every single time you leave the house. Have a great day, ya look like a purse!

I'm sick. Dammit.
My mom doesn't know how
to order a pizza so we're having
Wendy's tonight which sucks.

I can't wait to move out.

i fucking HATE christmas.
what a waste of fucking time and money.
it's just another fucking chore.

I like how I can have fun just hanging out in a Wal-Mart parking
lot eating Whataburger and talking to Carlos.

So, I'm stuck at Barnes & Noble right now because my Dad decided not to tell me that he had to go to work early. I woke up at 10:45 and he had to be to work at 11:30am. I had to grab my work clothes and leave because this was the only time I could get a ride over here to work.
I'm wearing dirty work clothes because I didn't get to do laundry this morning like I planned. I also havent showered and I'm stuck here until almost 11pm tonight. Thanks Dad. I'm not mad at him because he had to work early. I don't really care. It's the fact that he didnt bother to tell me so now I'm stuck in this mess. I'm disgusting right now. Ugh.

SO WHEN THE FUCK DID I BECOME SOME GIRL
THAT YOU CAN CALL WHENEVER YOU WANT
TO GET LAID? CAN SOMEONE PLEASE ANSWER
THIS FUCKING QUESTION FOR ME BECAUSE I AM
DUMB-FUCKING-FOUNDED. THANKS.

I'm pretty sure that he's just not coming down.
I'm also pretty sure he doesn't give a fuck about me
anymore.

I have a friend, he is made mostly of pain.
And he wakes up, drives to work,
and then straight back home again.
He once cut one of my nightmares out of paper.
I thought it was beautiful, I put it on a record cover.
And I tried to tell him he had a sense
of color and composition so magnificent.
And he said

"Thank you, please
but your flattery
is truly not
becoming me.
Your eyes are poor.
You're blind.
You see,
no beauty could have come from me.
I'm a waste
of breath,
of space,
of time."

I knew a woman, she was dignified and true.
And her love for her man was one of her many virtues.
Until one day, she found out that he had lied
and she decided the rest of her life from that point on would be a lie.
But she was grateful for everything that had happened.
And she was anxious for all that would come next.
But then she wept.
What did you expect?
In that big, old house
with the cars she kept.
"And such is life," she often said.
With one day leading
to the next,
you get a little closer to your death,
which was fine with her.
She never got upset
and with all the days she may have left,
she would never clean
another mess
or fold his shirts
or look her best.
She was free
to waste
away
alone.

Last night, my brother he got drunk and drove.
And this cop he pulled him off to the side of the road.
And he said, "Officer! Officer! You got the wrong man.
No, no, I'm a student of medicine, a son of a banker, you don't understand!"
The cop said, "No one got hurt, you should be thankful.
And your carelessness, it is something awful.
And no, I can't just let you go.
And though your father's name is known,
your decisions now are yours alone.
You are nothing but a stepping stone
on a path
to debt,
to loss,
to shame."

The last few months I have been living with this couple.
Yeah, you know, the kind who buy everything in doubles.
They fit together, like a puzzle.
And I love their love and I am thankful
that someone actually receives the prize that was promised
by all those fairy tales that drugged us.
And they still do me.
I'm sick, lonely,
no laurel tree,
just green envy.
Will my number come up eventually?
Like Love's some kind of lottery,
where you scratch and see
what's underneath.
It's "Sorry",
just one cherry,
or "Play Again."
Get lucky.

So I've been hanging out down by the train's depot.
No, I don't ride.
I just sit and watch the people there.
And they remind me of wind up cars in motion.
The way they spin and turn and jockey for positions.
And I want to scream out that it all is nonsense.
All your lives one track,
can't they see it's pointless?
But just then, my knees
give under me.
My head feels weak
and suddenly
it's clear to see
it's not them but me,
who has lost my self-identity.
As I hide behind
these books I read,
while scribbling
my poetry,
like art could save a wretch like me,
with some ideal ideology
that no one can hope to achieve.
And I am never real;
it is just a sketch in me.
And everything I made is trite
and cheap
and a waste
of paint,
of tape,
of time.

So now I park my car down by the cathedral,
where the floodlights point up at the steeples.
Choir practice was filling up with people.
I hear the sound escaping as an echo.
Sloping off the ceiling at an angle.
When the voices blend they sound like angels.
I hope there’s some room still in the middle.
But when I lift my voice up now to reach them.
The range is too high,
way up in heaven.
So I hold my tongue,
forget the song,
tie my shoe
start walking off.
And try to just keep moving on,
with my broken heart
and my absent God
and I have no faith
but it's all I want,
to be loved.
And believe,
in my soul.
In my soul.
In my soul.
In my soul

John is talking to his boss about coming down.
I should know whats up by the end of the day.
I'm not going to think that he's actually coming down
until I can see him with my own eyes walking out of
the airport towards my car. If this does take place
it'll be in about a month.

The visit doesn't mean much. It's not like we're
going to be together. I think that the idea is to
explore any feelings that we have for eachother.

I'm scared out of my mind and I'm almost
positive that I'm going to get my heart broken
into a million pieces again. It's sort of worth it
to me to feel a few days of happiness again.

I got a random IM from John today and now I'm all weirded out.
I talked to him a few weeks ago about how miserable I am without
him and how I think he should consider coming down still and trying
to work things out.

He told me today that he's considering it. Which totally freaked me
out and now I don't know what to think. This is why I can't stand
being in relationships with anyone. This shit comes out of nowhere
and totally fucks with my head. I don't think I'm going to let it get to
me though.

He told me that he loves me but he's not sure if he can handle the
kind of stuff we're running into (one of us moving across the country
to be with one another) and that he's a 'pansy'. I think that it should
be him that moves because I'm the one in school, but he doesn't
want to move out of Maine. If I loved someone I'd move for them.
Especially if I were in his shoes, because I'm awesome.

Anyway, I'm really weirded out and I just hope that thinking about
all of this stuff isn't going to effect my final tomorrow morning.

:(

So, I was reading over my study materials for my Freshman Comp class,
and we have to write for 2 hours about Facebook and Myspace. They had
some stuff about Livejournal in my packet and I was like, "Aww, LJomgz!"
I made a new one and my layout is some default shit. If anyone knows how
to do LJ layouts and feels like doing mine, go for it. I don't want anything
elaborate. Just something simple so it doesn't look like shit. I have some
gay hills or something on mine? I don't know. The green went with my
icon so I said what the fuck and just chose it.

I'm excited about this. I'm not going to make it friends only because I have
no friends and I need new ones.

Anyway, whats up livejournal? Did you miss me? Of course you did.
What am I saying?


Classes For Next Semester

11-11:50am MWF Psychology 2513 (Abnormal Psychology)
12-12:50pm MWF Mathematics 0213 (Algebra)
1-1:50 MWF History 1053 (Civil War to Present)
9:30-10:45am TR Politics 1013 (Intro to American Politics)
2-3:15pm TR Antropology 2033 (Physical Anthropology)

I'm going to die. Really.